It’s rich, it’s frothy, and it’s arguably one of the most controversial drinks in the world. Forget about alcohol for a while: milk’s really where the debate is at.

First experimented with in Central Europe, moo juice’s humble origins take us back a whopping 7,500 years. But what exactly prompted these ancient dairy farmers to have at it with cow udders? Scientists can speculate, although I suppose we’ll never really know for sure.

In any case, milk has certainly withstood the test of time: Pasteur revolutionized its digestibility in the early 19th century, the first milk bottle was invented in 1884, and by 1993, “Got Milk?” had established itself as a cultural phenomenon. For the past twenty years, milk held on to Western society with a deathlike grip, and it didn’t seem to be going anywhere. Until now, that is. In every sense, the only thing stranger than a full-blown article about cow milk is actually drinking it.

For one thing, it’s ironically unhealthy. As children, we were all told that drinking milk led to strong bones and higher levels of calcium: one of many milk myths. While it is true that a creamy glass of milk contains about three hundred milligrams of calcium, a number of scientific studies have shown that human bodies are only able to absorb the bare minimum of calcium in cow’s milk, which actually increases calcium loss in the long run.

Furthermore, it should come as no surprise that drinking milk is wildly unnatural. After all, it was meant for baby cows, and calves weigh around a hundred pounds at birth. Thanks to the magnificent wonders of human curiosity, however, we have somehow deemed cow milk worthy of ingestion. As strange as it would be to see a cow treating herself to a nice warm glass of human milk to go with her grass, we refuse to feel the same when the opposite is true.

Unfortunately, and because I am of the same species as those who first decided lactating cows are an essential part of the human diet, I’ve had a little trouble practicing what I preach. While I avoid a plain glass of milk like the Black Plague, I regularly indulge in a variety of dairy products. Slowly but surely, that’ll change. And to all those stubborn milk lovers around whose minds I’ve yet to alter, go with whatever floats your boat.