The Talk We Never Had
When brave students began to open up about their stories that had to with sexual harassment between ASFM peers and experiences about going to the school for help and feeling like they weren’t listened to, we decided to investigate how they are equipped to respond to these reported cases. We began to get more and more familiarized with the subject after asking about sixty students who felt their opinions and/or experiences were unheard. While doing this, we went ahead and interviewed Dr. Adams and two school psychologists to find out whether the school has a protocol for these issues or what exactly is being done to help a student who is dealing with this problem on their own.
As we began our investigation, we decided it was important to think about other people’s experiences within this topic, so we asked our fellow students to share their stories with us. It came to our attention that, of the girls we interviewed who have been sexually harassed by other peers fear getting a schedule at the start of the year and get anxious walking in the same hallways as their aggressors. Many of the victims we spoke to have wanted to reach out for help but haven’t had the will to look for it inside school walls.
There have been many stories coming from sixth grade all the way to twelfth grade about girls being harassed by other students. Worldwide, this type of feelings, not only in our school, could explain the rage behind some of the protests that have been held in the past few weeks. Some believe that their abusers have not even thought about what they have done to them and think that they can get away with it simply because there is no proof of the incident.
Another thing we realized about students is how little they know about what actions are considered sexual harassment. It wasn’t surprising for us to hear that many have suffered through experiences that happened quickly in clubs and/or house parties where boys have not understood what the word “NO” means. A student we interviewed told us about her experience in a club where a guy approached her and kept putting his hands on her. While she thought he was just massively drunk, she also convinced herself it was normal for him to force his hand under her skirt. The more she thought about it, the more she understood that what happened that night was sexual assault. It is deeply concerning that girls believe these acts are common and normal when they should be the complete opposite. Some of them mentioned that we aren’t taught enough about this topic in our school, they added that our sex education program barely covers what is necessary for both boys and girls to understand what to do or not to do in these situations. We begin to view consent at a young age through indirect example scenarios, but we mostly recall hearing about it in the two classes the tenth grade Character Education course offers, which we feel is too late for this topic to be addressed.
When dealing with a topic like sexual harassment, it is quite common for people to sympathize with the female perspective, which is why we decided it was crucial to take into consideration the male perspective. The boys we talked to acknowledged that sexual assault is a massive problem that happens a lot more than people talk about. They mentioned the sense of competition and pride that exists among guy friends when they joke about “how many asses they grabbed in a night.” They stated how that mentality is very wrong and added that “guys are horny”. They also mentioned that the way sex is portrayed in the media makes them believe they have certain entitlement to do things girls might be uncomfortable with, and it gets worse when they’ve been drinking. A lot of people use alcohol as an excuse even though it isn’t. And what’s worse is most aggressors don’t apologize or acknowledge their actions and thus don’t face any consequences, causing a vicious cycle of abuse and impunity.
Moreover, they feel like most guys think girls care as little as they do if “se las canastenan en el antro” or something similar happens. According to them “it's nothing,” so they believe it shouldn’t be that big of a problem for girls. They state that most guys haven’t experienced what a lot of girls go through, which is why they fail to understand why girls care.
Two guys in particular mentioned they recently realized how big of a problem it was for their female friends and they have tried to be more conscious of it. One of them has even been in the position of trying to protect his friends and getting punched when interfering. In his experience, a lot of girls are comfortable enough to deal with the situation on their own, but that doesn’t make it okay. He believes that getting used to it isn’t a good way to deal with it.
Even though most guys were extremely supportive and condemning on the sexual harassment situation that happens between students, almost all of them mentioned that people tend to focus only on girls’ experiences with harassment. A couple of them told us they had been harassed by girls and even though they just shrugged it off, they felt that no one would care because they are men. They aren’t wrong: there is an unconscious bias in favor of girls when it comes to harassment schoolwide and worldwide.
As our investigation ran deeper, we decided to reach out to two psychologists working at the school who could help answer our questions. We first approached, back in January, one of the school’s psychologists who has been involved in the wellbeing department looking for ways to prevent and approach sexual harassment. She began to tell us about their first project which was the #ASFMHELP form. For two years, the school has had a place where students can write an anonymous tip about another student online. When we reviewed this, we immediately saw there was a long checklist for types of problems, but none included conflicts regarding sexual assault. We asked why there wasn’t one and the option was included by the next follow-up interview. When an incident is reported, a generic protocol that is used for either depression, suicide, child abuse/neglect, and sexual harrasment cases is followed. We were then told that the school was working on a brand new protocol regarding Child Protection. Another thing one of the psychologists pointed out, was that the school provides psychological support for those involved in these types of cases, but when it comes to legal issues they follow SEP protocols and the law. The school isn’t the authorities or a judge to determine who is guilty. However, she did say that she felt like the school could be better equipped to handle a case of sexual harassment between students. She added that there could be more counselors/psychologists to support the entire MSHS student body and the misconceptions about coming forward with a report makes it hard for students to trust them.
We then reached out to Dr. Adams after the encouragement of the school’s consulting psychologist who mentioned that if someone was aware of the protocol it would be him. He explained the entire scope of what the school’s responsibility is if someone decided to report their case. Both the psychologists and Dr. Adams explained the entire process that had to be done in order to take on a case of sexual harassment including what happens beyond the school. There is a different protocol for each type of student and for each type of problem, Dr. Adams explained,
“There's groups of variables and legal issues we have to think of. If it's something that involved students or staff or it’s someone involved with the institution and it happened here on campus, that is another variable. It’s not that you can’t do something, but it's another management system. If it’s a minor and they're talking about something that happened on campus then there's issues you have to look at. If it's a student, a senior or a junior who happens to be eighteen then it's another process. So unfortunately it's not just cut and dry.”
After the interview, we realized that there are many variables to consider on sexual harassment cases. The school is not obligated to act upon reported cases if the act happened outside the campus. All the interviews we had were a lot of information to take in, however we asked ourselves, what exactly is being done to stop this problem?
Throughout the past months, we have come to learn that many people have been sexually harassed in many different forms. Women are frustrated, men are misunderstood, and in general a lot of people are confused about what can be classified as abuse. Our school and community should be more active about speaking up about this ongoing problem, considering most people have shown that when they have been involved in incidents of sexual harassment they don’t even realize it. There is a common misconception about the concept of sexual harassment. Personally speaking, we would not feel comfortable approaching the school with a harassment report because it has been a taboo subject for so long. There needs to be a clearer and more accessible protocol for students that want to recieve help. The students we spoke to presented the idea of involving the student body to speak more about this problem and work along with the school to find solutions. It became evident on Tuesday February 25th, when voices united against women’s violence, that this is a topic that needs to be talked about.