We Are Not Alone

When things get difficult, the best thing you can do is turn toward - not away from - the people who need you.

My first encounter with depression came with a phone call. Our former principal was worried an international teacher, who had been struggling with severe anxiety, may need to go home. I was on call to cover for her if she didn’t return. She would muster up the courage to come to school (on the days when she managed to get out of bed) and arrive at the front doors of the school, unable to walk across the threshold. I imagined her walking past the sundial and up the cement steps, her movements getting slower as she approached the front door. And I wondered how someone could be that overwhelmed. At that moment, when I wondered, I judged. I tried to put myself in her shoes but I didn’t understand, or even try to. Apart from common moments of sadness, I had never really had to deal with the debilitating feelings of dread in seemingly everyday situations. I was comfortable living out the us versus them dichotomy and when faced with a real-life example, made the decision to form assumptions because, in truth, I was afraid.

According to the World Health Organization, depression and anxiety are common worldwide illnesses, affecting more than 300 million people every year. (“Depression,” 2018) Yet, they continue to be complex illnesses that are often misunderstood. When we are confronted with depression and anxiety, we often see it as a sign of weakness or something that can be easily shaken off. It is normal to respond with sadness to events in our lives, like a friend turning her back on you or the disappointment of a failed attempt at a test. Until we recognize that some people struggle with persistence in their sadness and that it can prevent them from participating in daily activities -  leading to a feeling of hopelessness that is beyond their control, we won’t begin to understand the complexity of the diseases. Gaining empathetic understanding may be the first step to recognizing when someone might need our support.  

While we don’t have a lot of control over depression, and how it impacts people, we do have control over how we respond to it. No one should ever feel guilt when they don’t know someone is struggling or know how to help them. I won’t ever claim to know what it is like to not be able to put one foot in front of the other and face my day. I will never say, I know how you feel.  But if I have learned anything about how to deal when things seem so big and undefeatable, it is how important it is to turn in, instead of away. To ask questions rather than form our own answers. I will talk about it openly, not fearing that I am putting ideas in someone’s head, but that I may allow someone the space to have their voice be heard. And when I listen, I will validate feelings. Because we can’t always control how an illness affects someone but we can give people a space to talk, to gently insist they seek out help when they need it, and to let them know they are not alone.  

Depression. (2018) Retrieved from https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/depression